not hungry

After racquectball today (which i thought the frist game went well, but everything else was jsut ok) i went to Jamba Juice and got a medium sized Light drink. I dunno how many calories or what but light is better than a reg. one. For lunch at 3:20 I had a full turkey sandwich from wolfgang and a liter of water. before class i refilled my bottle and drank most of it during class. today i haven't been really hungry throughout the day but we still have a couple hours to go. i think tonight i will try to eat a "light" dinner. have fun tonight guys :)

Tired

Blah. Today's the first time I've fallen asleep in class this school year. By the time Thursdays come around it's difficult because we've already worked out 3 days, plus we've got Wednesday night cardio/weight lifting, and a couple hours later we've got racquetball. Anyway, my diet started today.

• had a turkey sandwich, small caesar salad
• hopefully something healthy and small =0)

It's funny b/c I was talking w/Adam about how I would leave my house feeling slimmer, but see myself as the same size (biggie) later on during the day. He said it's b/c we're taller in the morning b/c we stretch out when we sleep, and during the day gravity weighs us down. Hmm!

Weekend's almost here, thank goodness. Finally gonna have some more time to work on the CD.

Ends

It's been awhile b/c I was gone on a retreat this weekend. While it was refreshing to get away from the stress and struggles of everything at USC, I still find I'm battling with my weight.

I'm finding different meanings in the phrase "question yourself". I usually question myself in what I see as a constructive manner, critically for the sake of improvement. Lately, I've been second-guessing myself, unsure of how I'm acting in some superficial situations.
My self-consciousness has reached new highs.

I'm at the ends of this. It's time to move to another stage. I'm too impatient to wait for results of having worked out everyday (three weeks in now).

Starting tomorrow:

• smaller portions, different foods, a more food-conscious self
  


• more efficiency, better organization, a more productive lifestyle
  


• pushing the limits of creativity, accumulating knowledge, a well-read, unique perspective
  

A golden day. I need a brand new start. (ironically from the song Start)

An Integrated Life

As I've reached the 10th day of the new workout regimen, I've discovered two things:

1. It is difficult to not complain. I'm constantly talking about how tired/sore I am to my two partners, and they're polite enough to tolerate it. I want to move past the whining and just do it. It probably furthers my exhaustion too when I claim that I'm tired (b/c I'm used to being that) when I'm not necessarily.


• The irony - I'm complaining about how much I complain.


2. It is difficult to not let this consume my life. Other than trying to find a post-graduation job, all I think about is the exercise. I tell practically everyone I see about the new workout plan. That's stupid because I'm not doing it for them, so I'm not interested in having expectations drawn for me.
   
   • Nevertheless, it is a big deal for me because I've never worked out consistently like this. It's something I'm really excited about. But when this workout routine becomes normal, then I will have a better grasp on things.

What's frightening to me is this blanket of apathy I'm surrounding myself with. I've considered apathy to be a huge problem. I don't understand how you could just not care about something. Maybe it's not apathy, it's a mix of boredom and numbness.

Weight

• I'm 281 on the dot today.
  

Tuesday

• Food - I ate a herb sausage calzone with a side caesar salad and macaroni and cheese. I had a margarita later at the Justin concert (<---amazing).


• Exercise - I played an hour and a half of racquetball.

Wednesday

• Food - I ate a calzone (sausage, hash brown, eggs, tomatoes, cheese) and an express meal (two sausages, two eggs, 2 pieces of wheat toast, hashbrowns) all for breakfast. For dinner, I ate my fried rice again.


• Exercise - 10 minutes of stairmaster (worst machine created ever. I wanted to die even though I only did 10 minutes), 15 minutes of bike.

Thursday

• Food - I ate a spam/egg sandwich this morning. Yum! I might eat the same thing tonight!
  
• Exercise - hour and a half of racquetball this morning. Really fun except I got hit the hardest I've ever been hit in the head. Played ok though. Scores were something like: (A-P-G) 15-7-2, 15-10-7, 15-12-9 (we were stuck at 0-0-0, 2-2-2, 4-4-4 on the last game).
  

Catch-Up

Gotta catch up with all the posts.

Weight

• Has been fluctuating a lot, i'm right around 282-3 right now.

Saturday

• hour and a half of tennis in the morning
• Wendy's breakfast - chicken sandwich, 5 chicken nuggets
• McDonald's lunch - chicken sandwich, french fries
• CPK dinner - spinach/artichoke dip w/chips, 3 pieces of bread w/butter, sausage pizza
• probably the healthiest day of eating in the history of diets

Sunday

• REST DAY!!!
• breakfast - plate of my home-cooked fried rice w/eggs, hot dogs, rice
• dinner - ramen

Monday

• minor lifting of weights
• late lunch - meatball sandwich w/french fries from bistango
• dinner - panda express - half fried rice/half chow mein, orange chicken, black pepper chicken, crispy noodles

Blah, not feeling great, but some good things are:

• Justin Timberlake concert tonight!
• Not feeling sore anymore.
• Obama looks like he's running, here's to hoping for a job.
  

Two for One

Two posts tonight...

Energy fluctuates throughout the day, but I'm finishing tonight sort of low energy. Tomorrow's the end of our first week with a tennis session.

Thursday

• Breakfast - Jamba Juice Lite - 500 calories
• Mid-Breakfast - 3 croissants - 450 calories?
  
• Lunch - turkey sandwich from Wolfgang Puck's - 600 calories?
  
• Dinner - Chano's steak nachos - 2000 calories?
• Weight - 281.2lbs (back up)
• Exercise - 10 min of bike, 4 games of racquetball

Friday

• Lunch - half of a turkey/avocado sandwich on wheat bread
• Dinner - "The Carnivore" at a restaurant that I forgot the name to.
  
• Flank steak, lemon chicken, sourdough bread, mashed potatoes, sweet italian sausage
• Exercise - 45 minutes of lifting weights, 30 minutes of elliptical (440 calories lost)

Have It Your Way

at BK. Yup, feeling exhausted this morning. Got 6 hours of sleep, woke up late for work, body aching, bought Burger King b/c I was incredibly hungry and lazy. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, so I ate a lot as a pick me up. It didn't work.

Weight

• 278.2lbs (net loss of 2.9lbs)
  

Food

• Breakfast (9:30am) - I ate 2 Croissan'wiches (400-499 calories each) and a large hash brown (300-399 calories)
• Dinner (7:30pm) - I cannot control myself at buffets, I need to stop.
• 5 egg rolls
• 2 slices of pizza (one cheese, one hamburger)
• one piece of ham
• one piece of salmon
• one salad with hard boiled eggs, mushrooms, bacon bits, croutons, caesar dressing
• over 2000 calories

Exercise

• Weight Lifting
• bench press - 4 sets of 10 reps at 115lbs
• squats - 2 sets of 10 reps at 115lbs
• butterfly - 2 sets of 10 reps at 80lbs, 100lbs
• triceps - 2 sets of 5 slow 15 sec reps
• over the head, 3 sets of 10 with 25lb dumbbell
  
• biceps - 3 sets of 10 reps at 25lbs